She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
