Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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