so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
