We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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