She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
