ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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