anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
