How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
