What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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