me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
