Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
