Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just puked most of my soul out..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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