Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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