so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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