I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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