But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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