i just wanna soil my oats bro
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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