I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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