the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
