He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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