It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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