I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
why didn't you poke me back
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
