weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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