Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize