I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
