I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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