i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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