so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
don't judge my taste in strippers
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
