Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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