In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize