Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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