He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize