I wanna passion pit in your ass
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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