Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
