i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
