I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
