Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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