Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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