You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
