i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
