benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
