I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize