Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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