no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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