ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
