i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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