Little spoons don't ask big questions
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
