I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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