I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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