just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
