Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
