So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
