I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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