I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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