I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just want nice things and good sex
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
