Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
