What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Let's get the cat blown out
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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