I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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