Cold hands, warm shart.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
