its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
How naked do you want me to be?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
