Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
