Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
