And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
