it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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