Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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