The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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