I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
