quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
