Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
