i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
