Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
how drunk are you?
Several
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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