I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
