Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
