Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
