oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's blow job season.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
