What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
