i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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