if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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